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I don’t think I’ve ever actually said that I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come since the beginning of the year. Well, here’s me, saying it: I am fucking proud of myself right now. I never knew my own strength. I resist my countless urges to hurt myself, and rather than allowing isolation and self-loathing to take over and send me into a downward spiral, I go visit friends or I write or I play guitar. I have outlets now. I’ve always had outlets, but taking the easy way out of everything used to be my lifestyle. I pulled myself out of a hole again just this morning. A few hours later, and I no longer feel like shooting myself in the face. These are not milestones for most people, but they are for me. Years of battling have paid off with immense growth, and even though I’m still sad a lot, I don’t hurt myself or other people anymore to take the edge off. I may drink quite a bit of alcohol, but I’m trying to tackle one thing at a time here. Lol.

  • Track Name

    The Number No Good Things Could Come Of

  • Album

    El Mark

  • Artist

    Glassjaw

paizor:

I sometimes think I’m God,
Do I exist just to work for you?

Cancer is the proof
We will be going nowhere soon
You’re the reason why
I’m always asking of you twice

Cancer is the proof
We will be going nowhere soon
You’re the reason why
They’re always doubting of us twice.

The next time I see you will be my last
Until the day I run into you unexpectedly
I’m already wondering where it will be,
And when
When will I see you again?
Will I see you again?
That is the scariest fucking thought.
Never seeing you. Ever again.
When I saw you almost every day for years of my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to never see you again?
How does someone you loved just disappear?
We are going to become ghosts to one another,
And while you continue to forget about me,
I bet I’ll still be thinking of you.
This is terrifying.
It feels very real.
I might never see you again after next time.
What the fuck.

The worst part is that I know none of this means shit to you. I wouldn’t believe you if you told me it did.
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